You made a mistake and have hurt your boyfriend badly.  You know an apology is necessary, but you just cannot figure out how to say that to your boyfriend.  Should you call him, text him, instant message him, email him, or show up unexpectedly on his doorstep? Should you come with a gift, send a note or surprise him with a special home cooked dinner?

There are many options to choose from that it becomes difficult which route to take. You are even undecided on when you should say sorry to him.  Should you call right now, while his wounds are still fresh?  Should you wait a couple of hours, days, weeks, months, even?  It seems that there are endless details to consider before you can say sorry to your boyfriend.

The most important question to settle is whether you will indeed apologize or not.  Once you make this decision, set a time on when you think it is best to apologize to him and commit to sticking to that timetable.

I for one believe that an apology needs to be given right away.  Apologize for a disrespectful action as soon as it is done.  Take back hurtful words as soon as they are said.  Do not wait to be found out in an act of dishonesty.  Confess right away.  Do not wait for hurtful words to settle down and do permanent damage to your relationship.  Do not even let petty disagreements lie and develop into a major crisis.

You are worried to say sorry to your boyfriend too soon because you think he needs space and distance?  Because your offense was a major one you feel you should give him the time that needs to reflect on what happened?  Or that a creative apology requiring extra special effort will be the only thing that will he will accept from you?  Well the space and distance you are planning on giving him might give him a chance to feel to are not remorseful and do not plan on apologizing.  Extra reflection time might just be what he needs to decide he is not just into you anyway and break up with you.

So I am saying apologize right now, or at the earliest possible time.  If he needs time and space, give him that after the apology.  Do not pressure him to respond right away or beg him to respond positively on the first meeting.  Do give him time if he says that is what he needs.  But do it after you have apologized, not before.

What about all the other creative ways to apologize then?  I say those can wait.  Say sorry now and reinforce it with a text message or a short email.  Plan that surprise dinner after you have been forgiven not before.  If you wait too long you might never get a chance to cook that special dinner or even go on the kiss-and-make-up getaway trip you have been planning so meticulously.

So apologize now and do your planning later.  Do not allow yourself to get so lost in the details that you cannot act anymore.  There are indeed many creative ways to say sorry to

This may not be your case.  If you have not cheated him but have done something terribly wrong then read on, this could also help you.

You cheated on your boyfriend and he dumped you.  It was no surprise.  You would have done the same in his place.  The only problem is that you do not want to lose him.  You know that what you did was wrong and you are willing to do almost anything to get him back.  Here is what you should do:

1.  Accept responsibility.

Accept responsibility for the consequences of your mistakes.  Accept that what you did was a major no-no and in the end cost you the relationship.  This might be painful for you to consider but try to take into account the bigger pain he is trying to deal with.  Try to put yourself in his shoes, feel for him.  This will help you to be more genuinely remorseful about what you did and not just concerned with the loss of the relationship.

Certainly, the loss of the relationship is very painful to you too.  And I am not advocating you give up on your effort to get him back.   In this case, reflecting on your mistake will help you in your efforts to get him back by ensuring that your apology will be sincere and credible.

2.  Apologize to him.

There is simply no getting around this one.  You made a major mistake and a major apology must be made.  Make no excuses.  Simply own up to what you did.  Make sure you are sincere and the apology is heartfelt.

3.  Make things right.

Find out from him what steps you can take with make things right between you.  Decide whether the things he is asking for are doable and whether the relationship is indeed worth it.  Once you make a decision, stick to it and make a committed and honest effort to do the things he has asked for.

4.  Give him space if he needs it.

If he is not ready to forgive quite yet, accept it.  Keep the door open to communication but do not initiate it yourself.  Refrain from calling, messaging or emailing him.  He needs to mourn and think about where he wants to take the relationship.  He needs time to be alone and yes, maybe even start to miss you.

5.  Allow him to monitor your activities.

If he does forgive you, work at earning his trust back by being transparent about your activities.  Always provide information about where you are going, who you will be going with and what you will be doing.  You can even go so far as to allow him access to your mobile phone call list and messages, email and messenger accounts.  This might sound invasive but if you have nothing to hide it will go a long way to making him feel safe.  Once this happens, he will let up and give you a reasonable amount of privacy again.

6.  Make love to him.

By making love, I am not just referring to the sexual act.  That is of course that is very important to men but do not limit yourself to just that.  Make love in other ways too.  Be extra caring, extra loving, extra sensitive to his moods and needs.  You might just find that you have managed to replace the painful occurrence with beautiful new memories.

You have just been through the most painful thing in your life.  Your boyfriend broke up with you.  Amidst the deep hurt and the immense feeling of betrayal, there is one imperative in your mind: get your man back.  You know that you guys belong together as a couple.  You have been through a lot together and have tons of good memories between you.  Getting him back might take some time and effort but that is all right with you.  You are willing to wait.  Here is what you have got to do:

First, accept that the break up that happened.  Once you do this, you can skip the denial stage, go right to the mourning stage.  Accept that the pain is real.  Go ahead and cry your heart out.  As soon as you are all cried out, you can start on your plan to get ex boyfriend back.

Second, look back at the relationship as unemotionally as you can and analyze what contributed to the relationship’s demise.  Be very honest.  Make a list of what you feel you have done wrong and decide whether a change is called for.

Third, ask to meet up with your ex.  Make sure though that you are ready to be reasonable and unemotional during the meeting.  When you speak to him, own up to your mistakes – but whatever you do, do not ask him to take you back.  This is the wrong time to do it.   Doing so at this stage might mean the difference between succeeding in your plan to get ex boyfriend back or failing miserably.  At this time, simply admit to your contribution in the deterioration of your relationship.  Make him see that you are making a real effort at trying to change for yourself, not just so you can get him back.   Again, no begging, no pleading.  Just a reasoned and honest owning up of your mistakes.

Fourth, take a step back.  Try not to call him or see him.  Make yourself unavailable.  Your ex needs some time to be on his own.  He will need time to think about the relationship, and maybe to start missing you.   It might even be that he will realize he misses you and might take the initiative in making things right between you.

Finally, move on with your life.  That is not to say you will give up on your quest to get ex boyfriend back but believe me when I say that the best path to take is to make him want you instead of you running after him.  Find other things to be busy with.  Or perhaps you should go back to the things you were interested in before you became so engrossed in being a couple.  Be a vibrant, fully alive woman, the one your ex fell in love with.  Above all, take care of yourself.  Let up on the crying jag and give up the ice cream binge.

I am sure you must have heard the phrase ‘being successful is the best revenge’, In your case, ‘being beautiful is your best revenge’.  So ago ahead, prettify, beautify, work out.  Make yourself the hottest thing your ex boyfriend is likely to ever meet.   I am sure he will be the one wanting to get back together with you soon enough.